| { ` s t a n d [ STILL ] _. look p.r.e.t.t.y. ;]
Yeap, the wreckers is awesome. :D And, it sucks that this song isn't a single. So, I'm stuck using a fanmade video of 'Life with Derek''.Heck it is saddening to believe that this song isn't given the credit worth-ed. First off, its way better than half the crap thats played on radio. I might be exaggerating, or under-rating. Soo okay honestly, I've been spending not-that-little time just to find a video to fit the post ! HAH and i don't know why. I just needed something to make me start rambling off. Its obvious that I haven't been updating as frequently as I used to, so I would love to post as long as possible. Even if no one reads, but .. uh who cares ? (; But people have problems that are worse than mine;
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time. So, where should i begin ? =) Um. Well, not much has happened really. I still need to study a lot more than i am right now. I haven't really been studying exactly too. Today was being busy to me, but somehow when I thought I was going to topple onto my couch right after the last activity aka tuition .. I found myself logging into xanga. :)) Well lets just put it this way - School was .. normal, or not so. Depends how you'll put it. Um, there's been crap and shit happening to others and not me. And for that I feel better, but for my friends ? .. There's a reason why they're called friends here. ;] So yeah. Studies-wise, we used seni to do choral speaking and i learnt new things here & there .. but really, lessons just passed really fast. Well then, I had science club as usual. And yeah, I've yet to figure out why I joined the club but anyway - we were chucking the plants signs thing which also meant standing under the sun - sweat - I LOST CALS ! xD Uh.. yeah. Then, I went straight for piano class in my school uniform and then I came back home for tuition and it turns out the tuitor came early. Seriously, I was so sure I was going to spend the whole time yawning. And so, I have no clue how I didn't. Maybe its because I know I can't afford to spend anytime less not paying attention to studying when I'm suppose to. I'm practically wasting 'study time' right now, but um .. i shall care less. :] I've been studying some nights before, but it hasn't been exactly for a long time either. Weell i was sick from monday, so that made me have to sleep early. :( And I always sleep early, so this pretty much means earlier than early like .. nine. So I'm losing my attention on studying ! And i still don't want to leave this post hangin'. Sometimes I find myself shaking in the middle of the night;
And then it hits me and I can't even believe this is my life. Hmmkays, well I think i mentioned that I spent forever to find a song that shall relate to the post & my current about-so feeling, yes ? Stand still look pretty. ♥ I know that this no-time-for-studies time makes me stupid for caring about any-other-thing. But, i just can't focus on just one thing ! My thoughts just lead to friendship. love. jealousy. life. future && all those shiz. Y'know, y'know ? It gets frustrating probably. I lose myself and get lost in a lot of situations sometimes. And, I don't pick myself up from it which saddens. :( Hmm, how shall i put it ? Idk. I just act like a bitch, and know i shouldn't act like a bitch but i don't really change and re-act like a bitch. Ho-hum. Well, thats an example. Its like how I wanted to get over you-know-what, but I couldn't. And, I've finally figured it wasn't because I actually couldn't. But it was more of how I was overly freaked out that I wouldn't benefit from it at all, 'cause I've been making changes here and there that would make a better impact in life. So far ? None have. Nope, every change i've tried hasn't exactly been working out. I shall not name, but everytime I look at everything I do that was suppose to be okay - it isn't. And, I end up regretting. So I guess its kinda like, I want to paint my face & pretend that I'm someone else;
Sometimes I get so fed up, I don't even wanna look at myself. Hmmphaaw. Remember those autobiography books in primary ? You let others write on it, and because its really because you want to remember. So for me, it started when i was seven. Yes ! Only seven, when I just started primary and I want to start 'keeping in touch' with people already. Lol, but yeah - my sister was nine and she brought her book back .. and I thought it was cool. So, i wanted to be a trendsetter and i randomly brought an empty book which so happened to be this psyduck pokemon thing from .. pokemon aaand yeah. I made people write on it. Of course, people didn't really get it and I ended up faking the whole book up just to please myself. Yep, I practically filled most of the pages by myself with other classmates' names and pretend they actually wrote it. So when I show it to my sister, she shall think I am cool. ROFL, right ? I guess that memory just crossed my mind all-so randomy, it just suddenly hit me that .. In that sense, I've never changed. Do i really need to explain how I haven't changed in that sense ? Grr, this shall be long-winded. ;P Well the point is, I still want people to go "Yeah, that was maeyune" which I know I'm so darn perasan but HAH i'm admitting it okay. I'm just so self-absorbed.  .. wait this isn't exactly the point. My point was I don't see how this benefits me anymore. I've been such an anti-crap person and how is it making me feel better ? .. It doesn't. Nope, it doesn't. I listen to so-called 'new' songs ( 'cause they're in the us first ? ) and I spaz it out to people. Then people just roll their eyes and three months later - its all a big commotion, but I just got so .. over it. It de-sanes myself. Boo. Or its not just songs, but in every other area. I guess I suddenly realized that this strait started out when i was seven. And well, I can't change it ! And I can, but somehow I don't want to. I like acting all 'i-knew-this-before-you-did' sometimes maybe, 'cause it gives you some self-esteem. And nobody listens and in the end i'm the loser, but Idk.. LOL this post is getting strange ! I'm ranting on how i'm an arrogant bitch. Alright. I guess I'll stop. And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over.. HAH so okay, I doubt this post makes much sense. But, I think i say this in every post so now none of my posts make sense. I think I just scared another dozen of people off, and I .. don't know. It sucks to always let people down, but I can't help it. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not like this and act differently if well .. certains can't face it. I know the blabbing above prolly didn't exactly connect or really made sense, but I can't help it. I don't know just how to .. blurt everything. Oh well. 'You just want people to take you seriously, don't you ?" - avienne. I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start;
And you might think its easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty. ( This blog might go private soon. ;| ) Well um, so to end this post in a completely different mood. Whambamwhamwham. 
Heck, JAKE GYLENHAAL doesn't give me cooties at all ! AND SO HE IS MINE.  Reading the post 'till this point was so worth it, right ? ;D And p.s., I think I won't be back for awhile. I don't know how long or short 'awhile' would be, but well as i said - I have to study like i haven't studied before and no, it has nothing do with my insecurities. .. That sounded awkward, but yeah. Hah i put my words frankly. xD I know you think thats more than just bad luck. __. much love, maeyune. |
